Almost Xmas Day

There used to be a television programme called That Was the Week That Was. I feel for me that 2015 was the year that was. An unusual year to say the least,  difficult in the extreme. This time last year I had serious doubts about my capacity to survive another year, let alone continue to enjoy life.  I'm very happy, beyond dreams,  to be sitting here still writing my blog and now looking forward, a little apprehensively perhaps, to 2016. Life has rarely felt so intense or so worth living.

I shall shortly go for a walk to the Pond to see how our geese and ducks and all their friends are getting on. It looks as though I'm going to live to see another brood of cygnets next year. The heron has been back. I saw it couple of weeks ago, so hopefully he or she is around today. A couple of cormorants have been spotted by my friend John, so maybe they will still be there.

After that I'm going to meet Kieran and Kerry for a little Xmas outing. Tomorrow I go to Cupar to enjoy the festivities with Coinneach and co. Fortunately the Scottish government heard I was going to Fife on Xmas day so they've arranged for the Forth bridge to be re-opened for my passage across. Thanks to Nicola our esteemed leader.

I have finished my first cycle of chemo and now have a break for a week before I start the next cycle. I've not suffered any major side effects from the chemo drugs so far, which I'm pleased about. The only problem is the tiredness and constant feeling of exhaustion. But I've got so used to that now that it feels almost normal.

I've not been to any more movies since we last spoke but I'm planning to go to see Carol Emer on Monday. I'm enjoying reading  Sentenced to Life by Clive James, who is surprised to be still around to entertain and delight us. I've got Donald Maciver Paterson's new book of poems called 40 Sonnets as well, which I've been dipping into. He's one of my favourite modern poets and Scottish to boot. I hope you all managed to read Carol Ann Duffy's xmas poem Wren-Boys in the Guardian at the weekend. If not you can find it in the paper online, apart from the BBC one of the best sites around.

All for now. Must empty my washing machine and then head off out to enjoy the winter sunshine.

Three Excellent Films

As I said in my last post I've seen three excellent movies in the last couple of weeks.  Brooklyn is based on the book by Colm Toíbín with script by Nick Hornby. Toíbín is one of my favourite writers and the film does full justice to his novel, set in the Fifties, telling the story of Eilis who emigrates to New York, where she eventually settles down and meets a nice young Italian boy. Ellis is played superbly by Saoirse Ronan, and the film is worth seeing just for her performance alone. Amazing eyes, say so much, definitely an Oscar worthy performance. And look out for Julie Walters as the New York landlady " no more talk of our Lord's complexion at the dinner table". Jim Broadbent is lovely as the priest and Domhnall Gleeson is great as the Irish boy who falls for her charms in Ireland. What a good first name he has to boot?

The Lady in the Van was my next film. Based on Alan Bennett's book of the same name. If you're a fan of Maggie Smith this is certainly for you and if you're not  then this performance from her will surely change your mind. Someone told me it's the best film they've ever seen, which is maybe going a bit far, but it's certainly the best performance I've seen from old Maggie. Aren't we lucky to be around when she is at the top of form. She made me laugh and cry in equal measure. The scene towards the end where she sits down at the piano and plays had me in tears. Beautiful stuff, though I can't now remember what she played, except it was tear inducing. The actor who plays Bennett, Alex Jennings, should not be forgotten, as his performance playing Bennett the writer and Bennett living the life, and arguing with himself in split screen is terrific. Maggie Smith's performance is also worthy of an Oscar. I would have difficulty choosing between the two.

I went to see Bridge of Spies on Monday and thoroughly enjoyed it. True story based on the Gary Powers spy swap back in the early sixties. I knew about Powers and the spy swap but had never heard of the lawyer, played by Tom Hanks, who helped bring it all about. And went on to work for Kennedy's administration, negotiating in Cuba etc. I think that's what they said at the end anyway. Mark Rylance gives a terrific enigmatic performance, as the Russian spy half of the swap.

I was interrupted last night by the Man Utd defeat in Europe. Very poor stuff. van Gaal must go methinks. Anyway Bridge of Spies is well worth an hour or two of your time. "A square meal of a movie" as the good Doctor said in his review.

That's all for now. I was at Ward One today to get checked over for my chemo to start. Would you believe it, all my tests are excellent, all vital signs up to standard, or higher even. Just my luck to be so fit an yet so unwell. But at least the chemo goes ahead and I start tomorrow on these tablets, called Capecitabine. I have to take 1800 mg twice daily, six tabs, twice a day. But I don't need any chemo pumped into my veins this time, which is a big relief.

"bundles of bog cotton"

It's just over a year ago since I was told that my cancer was no longer curable. I must say there were times when I didn't think I would make another year so I am very pleasantly surprised to be still around to continue writing my blog.  I do notice I've written a lot less this year than in previous years but plan to do something about that in the next year. I hope to make it a record year for postings. I notice that last year I wrote 56 and only managed 29 so far this year. Poor showing Donald! The most I've written was 109 in 2010 so let's see if I can manage that many next year.  That will be one of my targets for 2016, seeing as it now looks as if I'm going to make it there.

You may recall that my poem The Spirit of You was accepted for inclusion in the writing anthology being published raising funds for Maggies' Cancer Care Centres. The book is called bundles of bog cotton and is being launched at Maggies' Centre, Glasgow on Friday of this week. I've been invited along as one of the contributors and also invited to read my poem at the launch. This feels like a big honour to me and I'm proud that my wee poem will help to raise funds for Maggies' Centres and continue to do so long after I'm no longer around to boast about it.

According to Tom Leonard the Scottish poet, writer and critic " The book is a mind-opener as well as a locus of solidarity for the cancer affected." I never thought that Tom Leonard would ever read a poem of mine, so thank you Tom, I might even write to you to say thanks. Or maybe you'll read this too and accept my thanks. If I should ever discover that Tom is doing a reading in Edinburgh I shall definitely be going.

I hope I can hold myself together on the day to be able to read the poem and do it justice. I feel very emotional at the best of times nowadays and tears are never far away. The poem means so much to me and brings back memories and thoughts that are sometimes painful. It was written soon after I was told that my cancer was not curable.

Speaking of which I've just had news today that my next round of chemo begins on Wednesday, so that's something to look forward to. Let's all hope that it makes a difference. I know that one of my friends prays for me and another one meditates and includes me in her meditation, so now seems as good a time as any do so. Thank you Neil and Yuri.

I've suddenly found that I can resume my cinema going with some fondness. I've seen three great movies in past couple of weeks so will tell you about them next time we meet.

The Handfasting

The following is the text of the Handfasting ceremony Kieran and Kerry had at their marriage. This was as well as the normal marriage vows and was introduced by the minister as something they had requested specially. She had to amend it slightly as it's an ancient Celtic ceremony with some possibly pagan undertones which the minister felt she couldn't include. Incidentally the minister did an excellent job considering she was given only a few days to prepare it. How she managed to know the cord with one hand only was a piece of magic, I thought. Or expertise of a minister.

The cord they used to do the binding was a long piece of tartan they bought on one of their first dates, if not the first. They had gone to the clan gathering in Holyrood Park and Kieran felt a piece of tartan was appropriate for Kerry to wear or carry. He was in his kilt of course. The Binding was a very romantic touch and typical of the two of them.

This was the only time during the day that I had a tear in my eye. Except maybe when I went to bed and thought about all the times I shared with him since he was eight years old.

"Kerry, take Kierans’s hands palms up,
so you may see the gift that they are to you:

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love,
that are holding yours on your wedding day,
as he promises to love you all the days of his life.

Now Kieran, please take Kerry’s hands, palms up,
so you may see the gift that they are to you:

These are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young, and carefree,
that are holding yours on your wedding day,
as she promises to love you all the days of her life.

Now, please join hands so that they may be fasted in the ways of old.
Remember then as your hands are fasted, these are not the ties that bind…

The love already shared by your hearts
Has been strengthened by the vows you have taken
You will be bound by your love and the love of God as you are bound by your clasped hands
From now until the end of your days

[As the following is recited, wrapped  hands with cords]

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.

These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as you build your future together

These are the hands that will hold you whenever illness, fear, or grief may find you.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children

These are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours

[Binding is finished and cords are knotted]

Bless these hands that you see before you this day.
May they always reach out with love, gentleness, and respect.
May they build a loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.
May they always be held by one another.

Now, you may remove the cords,
but remember the knot as a lasting symbol of your commitment to one another and to God this day."

The knotted cord was then placed in Kieran's sporran for safe keeping. Let's wish them both a very long and happy life together. I love you both Kieran and Kerry.