Mixed emotions

Amazingly enough I'm getting near the end of my time in Peru and I will soon have to start preparing to leave. Last week was a week of mixed emotions, high and low, painful and joyous, happy and sad.

One of my main ambitions on this trip was to introduce Heber and family to my good friend Flor, which finally happened this past weekend. I'm so pleased that they've met and I know that Flor will be a significant help to them over the years. They all loved each other and she now calls them her new family, and of course she just loves little Gareth, as would you all if you were ever to meet him. She understands well their situation and she has years of experience of working with young people and knows what problems they confront in their daily lives. She has already arranged to visit them in their home and will continue to do so.

Heber and Pamela were both very impressed with her and are glad that she will be a part of their lives. It is of course one of the best things that has happened as far as I'm concerned. It is such a relief to know that Flor will be there for them when I'm no longer around, to support them and care for them. I can't think of a better person than Flor for them to have in their lives.

Thank you Flor for all you have done for me over the years that I've been coming to Lima and all the support and advice you've given me and for teaching me so much about the lives of the poorest children and families in Lima. I hope you are able to carry on working with them for many years to come. You are a truly inspirational person and I know that Heber and Pamela will benefit enormously from having you in their lives.

Flor's daughter Valeria, came along with her on Saturday. In case anyone is wondering Flor does not speak English but her daughter does and will be able to translate this post for her. I've met Valeria when she was younger,  couple of times, and she is a lovely young person, now about to finish school and go onto university. She will be going to MALI in the New Year to study art part time before she goes off to uni. So good luck with that Valeria and don't forget that you promised to let me see some of your paintings.

We all spent the afternoon together. There are some photos in my Facebook page. Flor and Valeria eventually had to leave. It was very sad parting. I'm afraid to have to report that we both cried in the street outside Cafe Literario where I'd taken them for a last coffee or juice. I started it unfortunately. A very sad parting indeed but we will keep in touch over the old internet thing. So many ways now of doing so. My big brother Coinneach phones me every morning for free on WhatsApp just to make sure I've survived the night and not gone hypo.

I then spent the rest of the weekend with Heber and co. Mostly in my apartment which they love. I went out for an hour and a bit on Saturday night and left them on their own to give them some time together in a comfortable place, which they're not used to. The only thing I don't let them use is my MacBook as would be a bit lost if it broke down and one never knows what sites they may visit to download stuff. I wouldn't risk a virus on this machine.

Parting from them on Sunday evening was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life. I've had many difficult situations to cope with over the past three and a half years but nothing compared to this. I don't know if you've ever had to leave someone you love, knowing you will never see them again? It is a painful experience, almost beyond endurance,  which I've not yet got over. Or should that be gotten over?

I've tried to make it less painful for them by promising to come back next year to see them if it's at all possible. I know I've to go back to start more chemotherapy in a couple of weeks, so we will see how that works out. I don't know what Dr McLean will say when I tell her I want to come back here. After all she did describe this as a window of opportunity which I should take advantage of. Maybe there will be another one.

We went and did some shopping and bought them some things they need for themselves and Gareth and I gave them their Xmas present. I hope they will be able to have a turkey which will be cooked in a communal oven, and I think Heber's aunt and her young daughter will come along too. She's the aunt he lived with before moving in with Pamela and her dad and her brother. I've done my best for them.

I could tell that Heber was putting off our parting for as long as possible, as was I, but eventually I had to say lets do this horrible thing. And of course the tears weren't far away. Heber had his wee boy in his arms and kept holding on to me too in a big embrace. He then asked Pamela to join in. This was in the street waiting for their bus. Not sure what the locals thought. All things must pass. Eventually a bus arrived, Heber having declined the first one, saying it was full, and off they went.

I've not got over it since. I didn't sleep the night before and hardly slept last night. It sometimes feels as if this is the beginning of the end of my life.

He loved the graphic novel I bought for him. They sat on the couch together once Gareth was asleep and he read out loud the first story to her. She helped him along the way. I was very proud of my boy.