Going on

I had my latest scan on Tuesday. Hard to believe that it's four months since my last one. I'm hoping the tumours are still slowly growing. Maybe I shouldn't have split that infinitive, but I'm told people are not so fussy about these things nowadays, and who knows my tumours may take a hint.

I won't know the results until 23rd July as Dr McLean is on holiday part of the time and I myself am going to London on 9th July for eight nights. She offered to see me this week but I decided to stick to original date as don't particularly want to be given a negative result and then travel to London, with it on my mind, bothering me.

This will be my first time away from home since my return from Peru in November 2012. Apart from a couple of nights in Cupar. Which hardly counts as away from home. I'm excitedly looking forward to my trip and hoping my old body doesn't let me down. The signs are currently positive.

It was incredibly difficult coping with my cancer when I thought I was going to be cured. Now that I'm told that a cure is no longer possible I have no idea how I'm able to cope. Some days are hard beyond belief, especially if things are going wrong physically. I tell myself to get on with it and not give up, even when giving up seems the easiest thing to do.

If I have the strength I go for a walk round Morningside or to Blackford Pond, but often I'm only able to cross the road for a coffee in Caffe Nero, or tea and toast in Blackwoods Cafe. I've not been able to visit the swans so often this year, so they've had to look after themselves without my support, though John L keeps me posted on progress. I aim to visit them before I go to London all being well.

I'm lucky to have so many good friends to keep me company and join me for coffee and a natter. There are very few days when I'm not meeting someone or other of my friends. Occasionally I avoid meeting anyone as I need time to myself to reflect quietly and cope with whatever my body is  testing me with at the time.

Thank goodness for Caffe Nero. I do most of my reading there and often chat with my friend John L about various philosophical matters. The staff in the cafe are superb and constantly supportive. Polish, Scottish, Spanish, Italian, Irish, Russian and English. A complete picture as it were.

Speaking of books I'm currently reading Ali Smith's prize winning novel How to be both. Really enjoying it and especially so as she is a Scottish writer, coming from Inverness as she does. Somehow makes the novel even more enjoyable, which is quite silly of course but nevertheless gives me a frisson of extra pleasure, and I need all the frissons I can find. I will try to go to her event at the Book Festival.

I finished reading Colm Tóibín's novel Nora Webster. Also an excellent piece of work, exquisitely heartbreaking. Very moving and typical for those who've read his previous.

All for now. More to follow. I bought an art work the other day.