She told me that she wanted to do everything in her power to make it possible for me to return to Peru and that she was happy for me to do so and that she would plan my treatment around my wishes and personal plans. We discussed timings and future scans etc and agreed that a scan before any trip would not be a good idea. If I went my scan could wait until I came back. She didn't think a few weeks would make any difference.
As you can imagine this kind of conversation is incredibly difficult, as we are really talking about what I should try to do before things get worse, as it seems they inevitably will, and there doesn't seem to be much time left. Dr McLean describes it as taking this window of opportunity to get to Peru, which kind of implies there won't be another one. But lets hope she is wrong on that score.
Anyway we decided that I needed some time to think about it as it's a such a commitment and we agreed to meet again on 1st of September, which is in a few days time so that I could tell her what I planned. It took me a long time to decide. If I had good health I would have been long gone but I've been dealing with this cancer for three years and three months now and it has had a terrible effect on me physically, emotionally and mentally, in that I have lost so much confidence in my ability to cope with things which previously wouldn't have merited a second thought.
In Graham Greene's Monsignor Quixote our hero says to his best friend Sancho : " I don't want our travels to end. Not before death, Sancho. My ancestor died in his bed. Perhaps he would have lived longer if he had stayed longer on the road. I'm not ready for death, yet, Sancho."
So Graham Greene, a long time favourite author, made the decision for me. Or at least gave me the courage to get me going. Greene and my wish to see Heber one more time, in view of his news, more of which to come as promised in previous post. See I don't forget these things.
I have booked my flight and will travel on 21st of September and stay for six weeks. I think this is probably longer than Dr McLean had in mind by a couple of weeks, but I'm sure she won't mind. She says I have lost too much lung capacity to risk going to altitude, so that would seem to rule out a visit to Cusco. I will ask her again but I feel myself that it would be a step too far, much as I would love to wonder around there again. To be a flaneur in Cusco one more time would be good.
That's my news for now. For the past three years a visit to Peru seemed very unlikely if not impossible. I am very excited to be planning my return there. Over the moon as I would say if I were a footballer. It will be hugely emotional for me in so many ways. This body has let me down in so many ways recently but I've learnt to forgive it and all I ask of it now is to carry me to Peru one more time. Especially as we shall be going together minus travel insurance and I've never asked that of it before.
