At Blackford Pond, Edinburgh , Sunday

Ward One

At long last I'm getting my fourth round of chemo after four unsuccessful attempts. I'm in Ward One now and it's 4 o'clock having arrived here at 9 o'clock this morning. I have another three hours to go before I can go home. Needless to say I'm exhausted. The long delay is down to waiting for blood tests and having to consult with Dr McLean, my oncologist, as they've had to reduce my dose because of all the adverse side effects I've been getting. Hopefully the reduction will lead to less bad reactions and no more delays in my treatment. 

I'm now down to 60% of the maximum dose. I'm told this should not reduce the efficiency but I do wonder. My life in their hands. 

There's an old guy with me who is very deaf and shouts instead of speaking. He likes to talk and has given us all a potted life history at full volume. The person he was talking to managed to put a halt to things just as he was about to begin his parents life story. Peace. 

A nice nurse has offered to fetch me a cup of tea and a biscuit. I still have three hours to go. 

Last time I wrote a blog post on my iPhone I was sitting in a cafe in miraflores in Lima. I would give the world to be there right now. I'm determined to get back to that cafe within the next year even If it's the last thing I ever do. 

I've just had a long relaxing foot massage provided by a nice young lady from McMillan Centre. Very wonderful and invigorating. Ward One is full of surprises don't you think? Hands off our NHS, Dave you old bastard. Leave something for Alex to mess up when we get our freedom. 

Yesterday I went for a walk round Blackford Pond for the first time since my cancer arrived and it was the best walk round there I've ever done. Took me one hell of a long time to get round there and I had to rest for two or three hours afterwards. In fact I fell asleep. Totally out of it so to speak. But walk was worth it, all the birds sang for me, a robin sat still while I took his photo, the swans carried on making their nest as I watched and an old guy came to feed the ducks. I've spent hours of my life walking by that pond and took all the boys I worked with to see it. I wonder if any of them will visit and remember as they get older and I'm long gone? One can but hope. 

Neutropenia

Well here I am a week later and no further forward. After three unsuccessful attempts I'm now waiting to hear from Ward One for a new date to begin the fourth cycle of my chemo treatment which should have started two weeks ago. The problem continues to be my low white blood cell count and especially my neutrophils which need to be above 1.5 before they will treat me. They've been as high as 1.49 but I still couldn't be treated. The next test, at the hospital, went down to 1.44, so treatment was out of the question.

That was on Friday and even had my count been above 1.5 they probably would not have treated me as I've had other complications which put them off going ahead with the chemo. I won't bore you with the details. Apparently I'm at risk of developing neutropenia, which according to Wikipedia could become life-threatening and deadly. Which is definitely not nice but explains why they have to be so careful about giving me more chemo.

The nurse took my temperature in one ear and said that's a bit low, lets try the other ear. Which turned out to be normal. So my head has two different temperatures, the right side is low and the left side is normal. No wonder I'm so unbalanced.

It's a beautiful sunny day here in Edinburgh. I think I shall venture out, not having been able to go very far in the past few days, maybe a bash at a Princes Street is called for, see how long I can last and who knows might even catch sight of a tram or something even more exciting.

They told me the chemo might cause mood swings and loss of concentration and even memory loss. I think I'm now experiencing all of these symptoms, especially mood swings. I never know what my mood is going to be from one hour to the next which makes writing my blog difficult as I don't like to write when my mood is down. In any case if I lose concentration it becomes almost impossible to write at all. Must try to do better. My reading is all over the place. I think I'm working on about ten books right now. And that's just one too many.

If you've emailed or texted me in the past week and I've not replied its nothing personal. Please accept my apologies and will try to do better this week. All for now.

Chemo Cancellation

Those neutrophils let me down again last Wednesday. They were just under the safe level for me to have my chemotherapy so here I am on Monday morning waiting for John to come round and take me back to Ward One for another attempt. Let's hope the little buggers are not misbehaving today.

The past few days have been very difficult as I've been so incredibly tired and exhausted, hardly able to move at times, so been staying local most of the time. I get so tired sometimes I find conversation difficult as the act of speaking tires me out. I feel stronger this morning which is just as well if I'm going to survive four hours of chemo and all the rest of the stuff that gets pumped into my poor body.

I just wanted to update my blog to keep you all in the picture as it were. I hope to able to post a bit more this week. Meantime I must be off as John has just called to say he is on the way.

Sir Patrick Geddes

As I suspected I've not been inundated with responses to my last post. The photos were taken in Sandeman House Garden at 55 High Street, Edinburgh, which is just behind the Scottish Storytelling Centre and John Knox House. Both well worth a visit and while you are there pop down the close beside the centre and you will find yourself in this beautiful hidden garden. My good friend Jean Bareham has written about it in her book Hidden Gardens of the Royal Mile. She also does tours of the hidden gardens, usually during the Festival, but I'm sure she would oblige with a private, personal tour if anyone so desires, though not right now as she is presently walking across Spain. Wish I was too. Maybe next year.  http://www.greenyondertours.com/tours/hiddengardens.html

The green statue visible at the back of these photos is of Patrick Geddes, described as a Scottish Polymath, Thinker and Visionary. He was world renowned as a town planner, ecologist and social reformer. I must admit that I'd not really known much about him before I bumped into his statue but I'm glad that I did as I've now had a chance to read a little about him on the old net thingee and he seems to have led a full and exciting life.

He seems to have coined the phrase "think local, act global" and the statue was erected in recognition of his contribution to local and international science, city planning, politics and education.

The statue was designed by Scottish sculptor Kenny Hunter who says of his sculpture and of Geddes " His legacy is in many ways still in motion and may in fact be finding it's conclusion in a developed world, where many are shedding the current Grow or Die philosophy, for the more Geddisian By leaves we live ....."

Meantime I've reached the half way stage in my chemo treatment and tomorrow will be my fourth intravenous dose, providing todays blood tests are satisfactory. So tomorrow I will hit the home straight, all being well. My diabetes is not as good as it should be, and now up to four tablets a day, but I'm told it will go back to normal once my treatment is complete. Let's hope so.

Very good April Fools story in todays Guardian and they even managed to fit in some Gaelic, Lana Gocaireachd, one of the experts they quote, it being the Gaelic for April Fools day. Which was nice. Mind you there are so many other stories on the go it was hard to work out which was and wasn't.

I'm sure you will all be as concerned as I am about out team's performances this year, so lets hope we give Bayern a sound trashing tonight and remind them just who's in charge. When I was a boy a neighbour of ours used to come in to visit us, drunkenly, on a Saturday night and demand to know "who's in charge?" I wonder if he ever found out?